Last night, as Heather and I were finishing kitchen cleanup and making our way to bed after another long day, we had the first opportunity to really talk. Not just be in the same car or the same room like we did most of the day, but give each other our undivided attention. As Heather continued to talk and share her heart, I realized that it was snowballing into more than either of us planned. God gave me a great opportunity to appreciate my wife and what REALLY lies in her heart. Our time ended with tears and much needed prayers. I know how my wife goes way beyond the call of duty (often to her detriment). In the middle of the whole process, I again realized the weights my wife carries (or ones that are pushed on her) and this verse popped into my head:
“If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.” Matthew 5:41
So, how’d we get there, you ask? I guess it all started when I heard that someone said to Heather, “So, it looks like things are going pretty great for you guys.” At first glance, this seems like a pretty benign statement. And you know what? Things are not just pretty great, they are really great compared to many other people in this world. We have a marriage relationship that gets better the more we are together (seriously, it’s crazy), we have our kids who we can hug and kiss (not enough), we are experiencing physical health in a whole new dimension with Sy, we have a roof and beds to sleep in, I have a job that pays (most of) the bills, we have cars that run, we have a great community around us, and we have a Father that continues to call us out to a life of abundance. The list goes on and on, but I’m sure you get the idea.
But there’s the other side of things that people don’t necessarily see. The fact that our marriage has taken the biggest beating ever over the last several years… That although it’s so worth it, this therapy doesn’t stop and it’s more work than the two of us can handle… That our kids are actively seeking God, asking questions, and are ready to be led, but there’s often times no one is available for this meaningful conversation… That there are still serious concerns about Heather and her physcial health, lack of sleep, and emotional load… That our world is really financially crumbling even though I know without a doubt that God has led me where I am professionally… That we recently received news that radically affects our household and the future of our family as we know it (another blog post to come)…
And all this just underscores my point.
My wife has numerous reasons to complain, whine, fall on the floor, kick, scream, walk away, bail out, flip the bird, etc. But that’s not who she really is. I know it. I get to see and experience her heart in a way that others don’t. Even though she’s left at home with four little rascals, she ultimately chooses JOY. Even though homeschooling with two babies is not really possible, she chooses JOY. Even though a juicing/nutritional therapy is way too much for our family, she chooses JOY. Even though she doesn’t get a break and has been begging me to find an “Alice” (like from the Brady Bunch), she still chooses JOY. Even though her husband has constant bad breath and leaves messes, she still chooses JOY. Even though she is often buried beneath huge amounts of verbal vomit, her hand sticks out and waves a JOY flag. Even when everything around her is screaming at her to let go of her joy, SHE WON’T LET GO.
So why does is appear “like things are going pretty great for you guys?” Because our God who is Great shines His Spirit through my wife in ways I only wish I could. When Heather speaks to others, she is intentional and focuses on them more than herself. When she fields complaints and deals with “life-drainers,” she continues to do everything she can to be a “life-giver.”
I’m often embarrassed by how differently I would handle the conversations she has with people. Since I love to drag out and drop the huge axe of sarcasm, I’ve told her to start telling people that complain that “…I am so bored every day. We really wish we had something to fill our time. Our family just sits around with blank stares on their faces.”
I know for a fact that I married the right person. Thank you, God, for making my wife unlike any other!
